My whole life has been marked by a dichotomy of absolute belief in my artistic vision and crippling self-doubt and anxiety. I wish that the words in my head that opening night had been silenced. But my self-doubt and self-hatred followed me right up to the top of that trapeze. These were words that others had at some point in my life had been stated to me and thye words that I tell myself nearly every day. Leading up to the show, my journal entries repeatedly reported my self-doubt with entries like: You should pull the show. Everyone will see how little talent you have. You can’t play cello and you most certainly cannot perform well on trapeze.

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